| The Encounter |
[18 Apr 2007|03:23pm] |
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As the Saturday evening sun flashed its last ribbons of light into the air, I headed south on the Daniel Webster highway. The smell of warm food filled my nostrils as I coasted home with my take out dinner. A green light ahead snapped to a vivid shade of red and my foot eased onto the brake. At that moment, I noticed a familiar silver car approaching. As the car accelerated toward mine, I saw the driver within. She sat in silence with a particularly aloof expression, completely indifferent to anything beyond the metal frame of her vehicle. A glimmer of the sun’s last light caught the car at such an angle that it illuminated like a freshly sharpened blade, revealing the identity of the passenger, whose icy presence caused me to shudder. All at once, a rush of bitter cold air began to permeate from the car, causing the sun to extinguish its final light and relinquish itself to the night. A pair of icy eyes locked on to my face and gripped it with such force that I felt as if my flesh would tear under its pressure. The eyes quickly found something more interesting to penetrate and tossed me back into the southbound route towards home. Neglecting to acknowledge the rest of the world, the pair drove northward into emptiness, smothered by a cloud of ignorance as they chilled each inch of ground they covered. And so they continued along, enfolded by their vast indifference. I continued heading south until I arrived home. Once there, I was greeted by a group of friends who took me out on the town and helped get the chill out of my system for good.
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| Thanks for the reminder |
[19 Feb 2007|10:40pm] |
Last year certainly changed me and, in some ways, for the worst. With so many assignments and responsibilities, I was constantly stressed out and overburdened. It became difficult to appreciate those who supported me and loved me. I lashed out at my friends and family, and grew jealous of my former mellow self. As Mrs. S would say, I "regressed"--but not too much. Academically, I progressed tremendously. I became able to tackle large assignments and became comfortable with my work load. But I could never find an opportunity to balance work and play--work consistently dominated. So I didn't take my own advice. I was zoomed in all year, and rarely could view the larger picture.
Luckily, I've recently returned to my sophomore self. Perhaps you remember all those epiphanies I frequently discussed in earlier entries? Relaxing and loving life for its pure and simple joys? Well, luckily that side of me has returned, and hopefully is here to stay. I've felt a lot more patient, a lot less competitve, a lot more loving, a lot less stressed, a lot more supportive, and a lot less indifferent. Despite shit that's happened this year, I've been able to pick myself up and genuinely smile because shit does indeed happen--it happens quite often--and learning how to deal with it is a vital skill. So although Central has challenged me academically, it's also taught me how to deal with life and the shit it hurls--hurray!
Hopefully this long lost me will fully emerge, and I can mellow out for good :)
<3Amelia
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| jumbly wumbly |
[28 Jan 2007|10:26pm] |
hmmm although i'm completely aware that absolutely no one checks this anymore, i feel the need to update.
and although i don't feel as if I have anything of value to say, I feel the need to say something (though i've often been warned against this). so although i utterly despised my 8th grade subsitute english teacher's "free write" exercise (a five minute writing session in which students allowed thoughts to pour out of them in an incoherent jumble), I shall now spend a few minutes allowing my thoughts to pour out in "stream of consciousness" form.
first semester is done. over. that's it. grades only semi-count, school can be skipped, though not liberally, for activities (such as snowboarding or BC basketball games). i want to go to the beach. it's wayyy to cold! semi was funnnn! i love gettin my grooove on! and i really wanna go clubbin again (haha, i'm such a joke sometimes), but i seriously would want to return to a non-sketch dancing facility that encourages non-sketch grinding with only moderately sketch Y chromosomes. this weekend has seriously felt like a vacation. on a scale of one to chill, i've been so relaxed this weekend--it's been sweeet. midterms are over. we never have to take them again in high school. hoooly skeet. who ever thought of rim jobs? what a sick big dumb idiot (that thought came from an IM, not my own mind!). i haven't seen beau and them in a while (not that rim jobs reminded me of this). i should probably read antony and cleopatra. i'm on page 11. oh yeah, i'll do that right....now.
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[02 Dec 2006|02:53pm] |
I GOT INTO COLLEGE!
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute = hellll yessss!!!!!!<33333
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[09 Oct 2006|02:07pm] |
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For the longest time// On the Rocks |
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Okay so between Glendi, the Black Out Game, the Deerfield fair, early morning regattas, droppin' beats with the girls, haunted houses in Nashua, pizza fests, corn mazes in Hopkinton, and late night hangouts, these past few weekends have been pleasantly eventful! I am finally getting to enjoy and appreciate New Hampshire for its culture and beauty. There is a huge contrast between the urban and suburban atmospheres here.
For one, Glendi was amazing. I hung out with just about EVERYONE, and "re-met" someone who I hadn't seen since seventh grade!! :0 That was awesome.
Screaming my lungs out at Gill with black warrior paint under my eyes as I watched our football team just barely achieve victory helped me discover what it's like to be SENIORSSSS! It was also cool meeting some new peeeps!
Going to the Deerfield fair for the first time since I was eight was quite the experience. The fair truly exemplifies NH's diversity. You've got your country bumpkins (aka "hicks"), and your scummy fake ass bitches. Haha, but seriously there was def. a mixture of toughies and softies. Unfortunately, me, Kel, Dan, Lizzie and Grace witnessed a fight, but it was fun looking at all the crafts and New Hampshire whatnots.
Rowing my ass off at 2 in the afternoon after waking up at 4 am is another adventure all to itself. Lightweight boat was so much fun! I HEART CENTRAL CREW!
Droppin' beats Fri nights wit da gurlzzzz!! What else is there to say but...BOOM SNAP CLAP (!) <333Bex, Michelle, Grace and Jordan
For one the girl's night in Nashua was a maz ing. Rollin' in Jordan's convertible with the sun setting and the wind blowing through my hair was priceless. Getting lost four zillion times, but always ending up at the same gas station was priceless. Having the lady direct us the wrong way was priceless. But perhaps the best part was somehow managing to cling to Grace, Mau, Jor and Kel all at once as we inched our way through a house of scares and surprises. I don't think I've ever screamed so much in my life!
The pizza fest afterwards (participants included all girls mentioned above plus: kim, steve and nick wags) was funnn too! Playing catch phrase and engaging in goofy conversation was so reminiscent of summer!
The Hopkinton corn mazes were sooo much funnn!! We only were able to go through the Ancient Egyptian Maze and the Endangered Animals maze--WE WON THE EGYPTIAN ONE! But a man in the endangered animals maze said that the beginning was the only way out...we were lied to! :o Beech Hill Farm epitomizes a beautiful New Hapmshire Autumnal setting. Period
I must now get back to work <3333 to everyone!!
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| when the leaves start to turn, there is so much to learn from the freeway<3 |
[03 Sep 2006|10:43am] |
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Remember The Name//Fort Minor |
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Okay, so summer's ending. So what? Last year, this fact gnawed at me. Now, I'm viewing the end of summer as a transition into something better: Senior year. Hurrrraaayyyy!! We're finally the top of the chain, the best of the best. This fall, let's live it up! Here are some absolute NECESSITIES/things for which I am excited:
-college applications
-apple picking
-pumpkin carving
-haunted hayrides
-haunted houses
-trick o' treating
-walks through foliage
-football games (Central, Syracuse, Patriots)
-ACT/SAT IIs (and perhaps retaking the goddamn SAT.....................)
-wearing new outfits (HURRAY!)
-the academic aspect of school (believe it or not)
-math (duhhh)
-MATH TEAM (even more duhhh)
-CREWY WOOO (!)
-the return of desperate housewives and grey's anatomy
I'd also like to start scrapbooking at some point, but that has nothing to do with autumn/the beginning of school!
And if we blossom as high as Northwestern trees
I swear I'll still be the same as I was as a seed
And if these branches hold a leaf,
They'll hold convictions
I believe
This is the beginning of something
Too strong to break now-TSL
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| A much needed update |
[26 Jun 2006|10:36pm] |
Hmmmm...where to begin? I feel this is a noteworthy checkpoint in my life considering that it's the fourth full day of summer and yet so much has gone on.
The first night of summer began surprisingly uneventfully. I had been waiting and wishing and planning and praying for it, but when it came I couldn't think of what to do. Wtf? Why is that? During the year, I can think of a million things I'd rather do than my assignments, but when I have the time to do whatever I want, I have no clue what to do! I ended up going to Devin's with Mau, Matt, Grace and Tommy D. We went swimming and I had to borrow Grace's sister's bathing suit because I didn't have a decent one. The bathing suit I wore had no built in bra and therefore I was Saggy McBoobs all night--forced to support myself via crossed arms. It being the first night of summer, we felt obliged to swim, and despite the unwelcoming temperature, we leapt full speed into the 9 ft deep water of Devin's inground pool. (Well, Mau kinda waded in) Delightful. LoL
Saturday was the most eventful day thus far. It pushed me out of my comfort zone in many ways, but I took a lot home from that. In the morning I attended a Journalism seminar at the Nackey S. Loeb School of Communications. It lasted from 8am-3:30pm. Basically we learned what it was like to be involved with news//newspaper production. Usually I'm not comfortable going places where I know no one or don't know what to expect, but I ended up making friends easily and enjoying myself. We did a makeshift press conference with some City Year volunteers (they almost got Bode Miller, but he cancelled last minute =/ ), and afterwards we were broken up into groups of 4-5 and asked to write articles. Some people wrote about the City Year program, others did personal profiles of the City Year volunteers and some ppl wrote about the Journalism conference in general. Then we were asked to compose a front page of "The New Hampshire Times" using the skills we had learned from the various lectures throughout the day. We edited our articles and selected digital pictures that had been taken at "the press conference." Then we went to town. Basically, it's like what LG peeps do every Paste Up--except less intricate (we only did the front page) and with less commitment. Still, it was fun to see what that was like--to be able to check out what news production is all about without making it a full time responsibility. It's also cool to check out career options.
Saturday night was cRaZy. Grace, Mau, Devin, Claudia, Steve, Jordan, Nick W., Lizze, Kelly, Marcia and I all went to ELECTRA! Mwahahahahah. For those who don't know, Electra is the newest club on Elm street, and by reputation is known as the "least sketch club in town." So I let loose--which was definitely a good way to get me back into the summer swing. Mostly we danced amongst ourselves, but ocassionaly we were swept aside by a nonwhite male. Personally, I grinded (ground? LoL) with a Spanish guy and a Black guy. LOLLLLLL Jordan and Steve left early because they were a tad uncomfortable. Devin totally let loose and was rippin' up the dance floor. Nick danced a bunch too. Even though he was uncomfortable, he figured he'd paid $12 so why not DAYANCE?! (mothafuckaaa) haha it was nice to do something out of character :) ahhh summer<333
Today Kelly and I ran into Collin Gately in Shop'n'Save and I realized that that may be the last time I'll see him in my life! Not that he's a huge part of my existence, or even remotely close--he's just an acquaintance. But looking back I feel I truly underappreciated the last few days that seniors had classes. There are SOOO many people who I will never see again from the '06 class--and it just started to really hit me. And then next year it's us....that's insane :O
Tomorrow I'm going to visit Vassar and then Wednesday I'm off to see Rensselaer and Skidmore!
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[22 Jun 2006|12:16pm] |
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Naturally, I'm inclined to update at the most cliched moments, but I just thought I'd put it out there that WE'RE SENIORS! I feel like my summation of growth was well concluded in my Dear Mrs. Hicks letter, so I won't bore you with that here. I think it would be appropriate to say: WELCOME HOME, SUMMER!<3
The only other thing that I thought I'd mention is that John came to visit me last night at 11:15ish. He's leaving for North Carolina and we probably won't see each other until Thanksgiving. It really meant a lot that he came. It helped tie off some loose ends, and I finally received some closure. I'm so ready to let go of my balloon, and I'll miss him. I wish him best of luck in college!
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[10 Jun 2006|03:44pm] |
In addition to those activities mentioned in the previous entry, I would like to add:
-Get eyebrows waxed
-Get a massage
-Scout out college scholarships
-Go on a whale watch
-Do a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle!
-FIIIRE UP THE GRILL FOR A BARBEQUE
-Go to a poetry slam
-Walk the audobon trail
-Learn to ballroom dance
-Go to Tee Off At Mel's for Go-carting (and maybe mini golf lol)
-Scavenger hunt!
-Fly a kite
More to come as I think of them..as always, contributions to the list are welcome :)
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[29 May 2006|09:00pm] |
I have an urge to write another entry. Finally.
Lucky for you, this is another one of those entries silver lined with nostalgia for the sweet scandalous days of summer. So rather than bore you by finding a million ways to explain that my longing for vacation has transgressed into a full blown illness, I will instead use this space to discuss ideas for summer events,the benefits of summer days, etc.
And I'm sure there are tons more! Leave more suggestions, por favor!<3
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[14 May 2006|11:51pm] |
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"It's painful enough to feel sad, but on top of it...to feel embarrassed for feeling...that is the killer</>"
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[28 Apr 2006|08:24pm] |
DEAR SUMMER VACATION,
YOU CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH!
<3AMELIA </>
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[16 Apr 2006|03:04pm] |
Mmmmmm. This weekend was so relaxing :) Friday night was just a goofy hang out with Grace, Lizzie, Kelly, Nick Waggs, JNorm, and Sam. Then Saturday I took a practice SAT from 9-1, came home at 2ish and met up with Grace. We did our math, and then headed to Livingston to play frisbee--it was such a beautiful day!!!! We played for about an hour and then called Steve and Laura to have them come play as well. In all, we must have been at Livingston for about 3 hours--it flew by so fast!! By the end of the day I had dirty feet and grass-stained knees--that's just the way I like it! Laura had to leave, and then Grace, Steve, and I went to the Puritan for supper. :) We had some good conversation, and I cannot get enough of spring. Oh and Grace and I got in an accident! LOLLL Last night I came home and read our British Authors homework. I know this entry was written in second grade language, but I can't help it!
I'm off to find a British poet/poem. Then I'll get to learn about WWI. Ohhh boyyy...I am praying that I don't get a 1 or a 2 on the A.P. exam!
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| "Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year?" -FOB |
[13 Apr 2006|07:24pm] |
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Summertime // Sublime |
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Fourth quarter. I've hit somewhat of a slump. I wouldn't diagnose it as early senioritis because it's not anything lasting. It's just that for the past week I've spent my free mods (though I don't have too many of them) doing the Crossword puzzle, the Cryptoquip, and trying my luck at Su Do Ku--regardless of the amount of homework that sits unfinished in my backpack.
Why have I become so relaxed? Read everyone's profiles! They have recently become decorated with SUMMER '06!!</> Not only that, but I've been listening to Sublime's "Summertime" on repeat, taking the circuitous route home from school, sporting shades and shorts, taking frequent walks, engaging in philosophical discussions, and loving the simple fact that I'm alive. I've got an early case of the summer mindset<3 Whatever though, this can't last much longer. It's a push to the finish, and I want to finish my Junior year strong! So I'm off to watch Jeopardy and then finish up some homework! Oh how I love springtime!!! And let's not lie, crossword puzzles are addicting!
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[04 Apr 2006|02:09pm] |
Today as I walked through the halls a girl stood exasperated with a pained expression on her face. A frustrated boy who stood a few feet away from her began to turn around. As he did so, the girl shouted, "Don't you dare walk away from this." He continued to turn, shot her a glance, held up two fingers and said "peace." She stood alone as he walked away and muttered, "fuckin' idiot!" As I slowly walked past, I realized: something is falling apart right in front of me.
Today as I walked through the halls I spotted a boy and a girl holding hands and gleefully laughing. Their link was broken by oncoming students, but despite the separation, their gaiety did not subside. As I walked past, I realized: something is growing right in front of me.
Yesterday as I was driving home from crew I sat wet and shivering in my car. I pulled up to the toll booth to get onto 93-South, and I reached out my hand with my 50 cents in it. The tool booth attendent said that I was all set--the person before me had paid for me too as a good deed. As I drove through, I realized: there is a lot of good in this world and I have more faith in the people in it.
It's amazing how such simple things can touch us. It's incredible that rain can lower our spirits. I'm usually not much affected by the cloudy skies. Typically, I embrace dreary days by going outside, looking up into the sky, and allowing the rain to softly fall on me. But not today. Today I'm much too contemplative. I've been busy watching people break down, beginnings take hold, endings set in, happiness shine through, and evil prevail. I've scrutinized at length the different sides of people. There is one person in particular who I've been trying to understand. I've been comparing their typical social behavior to a particular weekend experience, and analyzing their judgmental nature which gets covered up by their stellar public persona. I've also been dissecting the means by which people change, and the outer forces which drive them to do it. Why have I been doing this? Go figure. How better to spend my rainy afternoon?
In terms of tomorrow, well, I guess I'll just have to wait to see what new epiphanies come along
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[30 Mar 2006|11:49pm] |
DEAR WORLD,
TODAY I LEARNED HOW TO SPELL "DEFINITELY." I USED TO ALWAYS SPELL IT "DEFINATELY" BECAUSE
I'M A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!<333333
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[15 Mar 2006|05:40pm] |
I've been having trouble writing in here and I'm not sure why. It's not that I forget about it, but every time I click "update journal" I simply watch the cursor flash while I desperately search for something to write. I think this is because my life (for the time being) has hit a semi-plateau. Between school, crew, SAT prep, Animal Rescue League, Math Team, Orchestra, etc. there has been a ton of shit to do. Luckily none of my other clubs have planned major activities between now and March 31 (the day the Oral History Project is due). Hopefully after that project is done, I can finally breathe, meet new people, and enjoy the simple fact that it's spring! :)
Here's a hopeful toast to a brighter future!
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[23 Feb 2006|06:41pm] |
If you'll notice, on January 16, 2006, I began to compile a list of all the papers which Mrs. Mirbile had in her possesoin. Today, I'd like to augment that list for your viewing pleasure. She has...
1. Our "was the Civil War inevitable?" (still!)
2. Our worksheet on Lincoln's First Inaugural Address (still!)
3. Our worksheet on Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address (still!)
4. Our paper on Lincoln's Gettysburg Address (still!)
5. Our test on The Killer Angels (still!)
6. Our test (KM) on the Civil War (still!)
7. Our Objective Test on the Civil War
8. Our outlines of the Louisiana Black Codes
9. Our outlines of the Standard Oil Company
10. Our papers on the "Cross of Gold" Speech
11. Our "Critique of Gospel Wealth"
12. Our Twenty Years At Hullhouse reflection paper
13. Our Objective Test on the period 1860-1900
And the worst part is...I feel like I've forgotten some. I think I might light myself on fire as a means of protest because right now I have zero conception of what I'm getting in that class. And she just keeps giving more and more and more and more and more! If you can think of any others, let me know! Some of these assignments date back to before Christmas vacation!!!
Oh, and I was thinking: if great minds really did think alike, nothing would ever change. But then again, who's to say that change must come from the depths of a "great mind."
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| It's snowing! |
[12 Feb 2006|05:43pm] |
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Life is Wonderful // Jason Mraz |
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The snow is beautiful. By February I'm usually nauseated by the sight of white flakes falling from the sky, but this winter has been unusually...perfect. There was a period of time where it felt like spring. And now, we're experiencing our first real storm. Today was a perfect day for it too because I had so much work to get done. I've been glancing out the window and watching it gently blanket the earth, and I can't help but smile.
This weekend was okay. I didn't do anything special. Friday I went to Maine with my parents and spent the night there. It was a lovely vacation away from here, however it impeded on my homework time, which is why I wasn't very social this weekend. Although, I haven't had much time for introspection lately, so I suppose this was a good thing.
As I have been constantly reminded by smitten lovers: Tuesday is Valentine's day. It's everywhere. Television has been advertising like mad, fliers are filled with "great Valentine's Day deals,"...hell, even pop-up ads have been tormenting my loveless being! Okay, I don't mean completely loveles..I'm not some misanthropic beast...I love my friends and family..blah blah...I'm sure you've heard the whole friends and family love spiel before. You know, the one you give when you realize you have no love in your heart for a particular XY chromosome. But I guess I'm okay with that. Tuesday is Valentines day. I don't have a Valentine. And I'm okay with it (: <3333333
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| FIRST SEMESTER DONE LIKE JOHN DONNE |
[30 Jan 2006|07:08pm] |
This summer I endured a period of tremendous growth and enlightenment, accompanied by a plethora of epiphanies, new friends, and awesome experiences. As frost began to fade the summer sun, and I knew my days of fun were numbered, I sat myself down and began to look to the future: junior year. Perhaps "look to the future" is an understatement. I panicked. I fretted. I nearly broke down. "Junior year." The dreaded phrase had been uttered by the class of '06 more than I could count. Each time more chilling than the last. Joined with empty reassuring phrases like, "everyone goes through it." Words that enter one ear and rearrange themselves inside your brain, creating a highly dramatic alternative meaning, which might sound something like, "prepare to die, bitch!" I remember one specific day when I walked up to the '05-'06 calendar and almost calculated how I'd get through the year. Noting holidays, vacations, four day weeks, etc. I looked at that calendar and I asked myself where the hell I'd be at the end of first semester. Would I be alive? Would I be failing? Would my teachers cut my hands off if I failed to do an essay correctly? Maybe burn me at the stake? Questions about our future plague us all the time. They are the most frustrating and nagging type of questions because they force us to question who we will be...even we appear to be on a successful path, we worry that something may corrupt our progress. Perhaps something internal, or perhaps something over which we have no control. As Motion City Soundtrack puts it, "the future freaks me out." Today I completed my last midterm, and thus, semester one of junior year is over. Which also means that 5/8 (62.5%) of high school is over (oh no, more provocation for thought about the future..). That being said, I thought I'd address this entry to my past entries, which are in sheer terror of eleventh grade life.
Past Amelia,
I'd like you to know that I am happy with the status quo, and yes, I am very much alive.
-Your future (now present) self.
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a_malign_healer's journal